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A Personal Story

"Let me start by saying I can only speak from my own personal experience as a gay man who is struggling to recover from my own addiction to crystal meth.

Gay men have been dealing with sexually transmitted diseases long before we met crystal meth. The difference for me was without meth I seemed to care and take precautions. Eventually, with continued meth use, my rational thought process changed and risky behavior accelerated. This caused me to contract new sexually transmitted diseases as well as an addiction to crystal meth.

HIV & AIDS

I was all of 19 yrs old when I found out I had contracted then what was known as the "gay cancer.” I watched and helped most of my old friends die from this horrible disease we now call AIDS. For some reason way back then I chose not to do the very aggressive treatments that most people did. I believe this is a part of the reason I am still here. What I am sure of is that for 24 years I needed no medication to control the virus nor did it cause any other illness. That all changed during the time I used meth. I am now on medications and have been so for more than 3 years. I am one of the fortunate ones who was able to bounce back with my HIV. Many men don’t and are dying at a rapid rate once again. These days I also hear men who are negative say it would be easier and more fun to just get the virus and go on some meds. Take my word for it, those thoughts will be regretted for a long time. It will take a physical and emotional toll on you and there is no cure so you can’t go back.

Sexual Addiction

For me the initial attraction to meth was the sexual inhibitions that, after more than 2 decades of being HIV positive, seem to disappear. Sex became selfish, aggressive and compulsive and that seemed great for a while. After a period of using consistently my fantasies (or what I irrationally thought were my fantasies) became self destructive and dangerous to both myself and sexual partners. I have a difficult time understanding this and for that reason I feel it necessary to abstain from sex for now until I am sure my mind has separated the association between meth and sex. Many men recovering from meth addiction also feel this works best for them.

Hepatitis C

I made a decision to try and quit using crystal meth after I found out that I had contracted Hepatitis C. This happened when my using progressed from the pipe to the needle. While I was using I thought an unclean needle was the only way to contract Hepatitis C. Unlike HIV, Hep C cannot be passed through semen - it must be blood to blood. This can happen through open sores, torn cuticles, and due to the nature of some of the aggressive type sexual behavior influenced by meth. Fisting would be a good example of how one may pass the disease. Although there is a treatment for Hepatitis C, there is no cure. It is a 48 week treatment with very severe mental and physical side affects. Unfortunately the treatment is only successful 30% of the time. The bottom line is if you have hepatitis C and continue to use meth your liver will be destroyed and you will die.

My addiction to meth once again took control and only five months after I finished the Hep C treatment I relapsed on meth. My irrational thinking wanted to believe I had learned a hard lesson and now could use just recreationally. I was way wrong and within weeks I was injecting again and within months I had a $500.00 a day habit and was selling the drug. Today I face felony charges for my actions. I deeply regret my actions and have a hard time coping so let’s move on and talk about the most serous side affect.

Depression

There is very clear science as to why meth causes depression after extended use. In really simple, easy-to-understand terms it messes with the way your brain distributes dopamine. When the balance of this chemical is depleted in your brain it creates depression. For some the depression becomes very serious and requires medical help. Because of my own struggle with depression I am really clear I need professional help. SunServe, our wonderful host agency, has many referrals in this area of assistance so contact them at:


http://www.sunserve.org/
Or by phone 954.548-4602
SunServe
1480 SW 9th Ave
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33315


Depression hurts more than any other side affects of using Meth. At times it feels very hopeless. If you live in Broward County and you ever find yourself in crisis and need to talk, 211 is a good place to start. A sympathetic ear can help you get through it. I can’t really say much more about depression because it is an ongoing battle for me both before and after meth. Everyone’s life experiences are different and therefore so are many reasons for depression. All I can say is meth and the lack of dopamine in your brain is a recipe for severe depression and depression is painful."
 

The mission of the Meth & Men South Florida ("M&M”) is to address the methamphetamine epidemic that has impacted the gay community through outreach and education, and to promote the availability of a full continuum of care for men impacted by this drug and related problems in South Florida.